[Mood: Down] [Mentally: Strained] [Physically: Okay] [State Of Mind: Full]
It has been a few weeks since I last blogged. I can't be bothered to count. But yeah, lots of things have been happening to me since then. Has it changed the way I'm living my life? Maybe a little. But it has affected me as a person.
There were few people who helped me through the rough patch. Few and far between. Maybe it's because I don't really tell a lot of people what I'm going through. What's the need for them to know anyway? As long as they see me being okay on the outside, they don;t have to know what's going on the inside.
Cancellation of PHR was by far the worst decision I had to make. But what's making me think more and more about that is not why we had to cancel it, but whether it was right for us to cancel it with the OIC out of town. It was difficult to contact him, and a decision had to be made fast. Which is it, doing things right, or doing the right things? Professionally a right decision, but morally? I don't know. He hasn't been speaking a word to me since then. Angry? Maybe. I don't blame him. He has the right to.
Because of that cancellation, I am under fire by the school. Hope Lee's furious at the cancellation, and I had to sit throughout the half and hour of verbal torture alone. I was expecting that. I knew right from the beginning that should the club be doing something wrong, the president will be the one being under fire, whether he's in the committee or not. Until recently someone pointed out it doesn't always have to be me. But then again, I'm not the kind of person to just stand aside and let others be fired upon.
I was told before the cruise that I was taken advantage of, being used, in the club. I don't know how to react to that, but it certainly got me thinking. And as if being under fire in school is not enough, I had to undergo the same thing at home. Just as I was trying not to bring my school problems home.
The cancellation allowed some breathing space for me and my Welfare officer to enjoy the cruise to Thailand. It was more of like a workshop basis, but there was more than enough time to wander around the ship. Overall, it was a great trip. Too bad I won't write much about it with so many things on my mind.
Already received the letter and brochure of Keio University via Express Mail Service. My attachment's due from 11 January 2005 until 7 April 2005, but we will continue to stay until 9 April 2005. 2 days for sightseeing. A bit nervous and anxious about the attachment period. More things swirling in my mind.
Some things will be clarified over the next few weeks. Questions will be answered, maybe... But one thing's for sure, I have to pull myself up for the new semester.
The door of graduation awaits me.